Conditioning

    This is about hair conditioner.  Sorry, it actually isn't (that's my sense of humor).  This is another post about what looks like schizophrenia on the surface.

   Up to this point I hadn't mention what was under the surface that gave me reason to suspect otherwise.  But it's a clear indicator that what I was hearing was caused on purpose.  What's the reason?

   Both the voices AND anything I vocalized/subvocalized back was scripted.

   It had been programmed in.

   I am sure.

   You should now be asking yourself how I could possibly know that.  Thankfully the answer is simple.  While driving back to Saint Louis after visiting my family I was having schizophrenia all over the place.  Except for me I had to fight to keep from repeating what I was hearing out loud.  Maybe that's normal.

   I also had to fight to keep from saying things in response to the voices I was hearing.  They weren't real so I wasn't going to spend time in conversation.

   But I never needed to consider what I was hearing or think about things to say back.  Instead I was fighting a constant stream of words from voices and words that seemed like they were supposed to me mine.

   About 2 hours into the drive I was exhausted by it.  Right about then something happened.  Hopefully it wasn't a stroke.  But both sides of what I was hearing disconnected from me and I was able to take a step back.

   I spent the next couple hours listening to a full back and forth in my head between voices that weren't there and a me that wasn't there.  But I didn't have to fight anymore to keep the words from coming out of my mouth.

   Some time, some were, someone had conditioned me to hear these things.

   Talk about loosening someone's tongue.

   Part of me seemed to be responding to voices unquestionably without thinking.

   And I don't like the sound of my own voice.