Skit

Would someone mind "ghostwriting" a "Saturday Night Live" skit?

The "setup":

• A "loyal bartender" and a "neutral customer".
• The "customer" orders a "beer".
• The "bartender" serves said "beer".

The "beer" in question has recently undergone a "label change" and "features" a "zebra".

The "customer" or "bartender" express "opinion" or "outrage":

• "What's up with the 'label'?"
• "Looks like a 'zebra'."
• "It's probably a 'black' 'horse' with 'white' 'stripes'."
• "It might be a 'white' 'horse' with 'black' 'stripes'.
• "I've been a 'loyal' or 'neutral' 'customer' or 'bartender' my entire life or never!
• "Good for them."
• "How dare they!?"
• "I've never been 'so offended' or 'couldn't care less'."

Backward or loyal.