Misunderstanding

  I have a theory about relationships categorized as "abusive".  That theory starts by saying key aspects of what we perceive as abusive relationships are simply backwards.

Very few people witness a domestic abuse incident, it's after math, or a reconciliation and then say:

"It all makes perfect sense to me."

That would be backwards.

Almost as un-backwards as the logical and common sense advice  given after those situations.  What if the root cause for what we see is an inside-out person?  One who is themselves backwards?

Using an oversimplified explanation - only meant  to illustrate - let's imagine an individual's mind could be lean more towards a conscious mind for some and more towards an unconscious mind for others.

We can call those 2 completely imaginary cases:

• More conscious dominant.
• More unconscious dominant.

All thats needed now is to take things 1 step further.  If a mind can tend towards one or the other, why  couldn't it go completely conscious or unconscious?

That sets up our thought-model for evaluation.

Picture a happy or unhappy family with Dad, Mom, and Kid(s).  Place them out in the front yard playing catch and gardening.  Mom's in the landscaping by the running air conditioner.  Dad's playing catch with the kid(s).  Dad yells to Mom so she can see something new.  He doesn't want her to miss it and gets more and more frustrated each time she doesn't hear him.  Depending on the individual, their temper, and their management of it, a different mind may step in to help.

An unconscious mind has skills and abilities we don't.  If unconscious mind was holding a ball, couldn't get another unconscious mind's attention,so threw the ball right at then...  They would become aware of the throw before the ball was in flight.  The direction and speed would be next for awareness.  The ball would either miss them or they'd do a look away catch while glancing over to find it's source.

An unconscious mind knows things differently than a conscious.  When misunderstandings or accidents happen and all parties know it, there's no reason for apologies or social pleasantries.

But we don't have 2 unconscious mind's with Dad and Mom.  We have 1 unconscious and 1 conscious.  We have a mind which operates on reflex and makes an appearance at the worst possible moment.  Mom would be able to still hear Dad over any amount of noise if an unconscious mind - but she's not.

What happens and what do neighbors see?

 

Let's just focus on the neighbors:

• A Dad yelling at a Mom.
• A Dad yelling at a Mom who can't hear him over the air conditioner.
• A Dad who's yelling keeps getting loud and more angry for no reason they can see.
• A Mom with a black eye.
• A Dad who can be perceived as completely unapologetic.
• A Mom perceived as a victim, defending a horrible terrible Man who should never be allowed near Her or Kids again.

The next post (and I hate to do an "on the next episode" thing like the TV show soap used too...) will be a difficult one.  But I won't need to convince anyone on my own about the need to release more individuals from jail and prison 

Someone's going to come forward of their own free will and explain what's been done to "deter" individuals from "learning" or "adopting" certain behaviours.  Hopefully we can confirm the science used to create such a "program" was and is sound.

If no one wishes to come forward there's no concern.

As with every word written on this blog, I'm not qualified to make such a case on my own.  So I will make the case entirely on my own.

Should it be determined that the "science" used was backwards...  What are the odds  it made a problem much much worse than it otherwise might have been? 

Soon, someone with no formal training or education or experience in things relationship or psychological will soon be claiming that the first type of crime with convictions that need to be COMPLETELY and UTTERLY stricken from the books is:

Sexual assault